I don't like quitting something I've started. Today I am proud of myself, because I finally took a big risk and left my job. I am unemployed and the thought of being unemployed terrified me. Now that I've done it, I'm not afraid anymore.
But I am afraid of heights. Climbing is a deeply embedded love/fear relationship for me as I love the challenge of it but I get chills down my spine when I look down. Don't look down, Lexie. Yet, with the risk and my fear of falling, I've found that it is well worth it because it allows me to conquer a fear. During my first week off my job, I went climbing up at Echo Cliffs for the first time. There I was conquering taking another risk and conquering my second fear that week.
Let's talk more about taking risks. I'm the type of person that likes order and organization in my life. I mean, man, I did work as a scheduler for a Member of Congress for the past three years. Quitting my job felt like an overwhelming risk, as if I was jumping off a cliff. The reasons were not solely financial, but more for the fear for lack of order. I also do not like the answer to, "What're you going to do next?" I'm taking some time off to figure it out. That answer has never been me.
But my life was no longer feeling right. Humans were not meant to be inside as much as they are in our society; working 40+/hr a week jobs inside, watching TV inside, on your computer inside, sleeping in your bed... inside. Our culture and society rarely bring the outdoors into daily life and those of us who seek nature and co-existing with it are viewed as hippies, environmentalists, and honestly, somewhat dirty. Outdoorists take showers too. But maybe after playing outside.
I just want to live. I just want to climb (and fall), to hike over mountain passes, backpack into the canyon, and sleep under the stars. ✨ I want to explore our world and live my life. A friend of my father founded Mammoth Mountain Ski Area (a story for another time) and at age 101, Dave McCoy has always written a piece of advice with his autograph, "All in fun". So, from now on, it's going to be all in fun for me too.